Today I made rice pudding, and other tales…

can my phone please stop ringing, for the love of G-d. kthankxbai

You’ve got the best of both worlds
You’re the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you’re needy,
Humble but you’re greedy
Based on your body language,
your shouted cursive I’ve been reading
You’re style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is 

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like picking up trash in dresses 

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
‘Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
‘Cause here we are, here we are 

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they’re quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There’s no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging 

And it’s a beautiful mess, yes it is
It’s like, we are picking up trash in dresses 

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard
But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are x7 

We're still here 

And what a beautiful mess this is
It’s like taking a guess when the only answer is yes 

And through timeless words in priceless pictures
We’ll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it’s nice today, oh the wait was so worth it

Wanderlust. Mmmm yeah. There are a couple of things looking up in my life; the travels (California, maybe NY in July, Europe smorsgasbord over summer), the friends (you know who you are), the house (can you say sofa? w00t! finally) and the car (sadly, the demise of Horus is greatly overshadowed by the advent of Lucky. wheeeee). and of course Pete. Need I say more bub?

On the downside, the recap of droll and otherwise bothersome things gets longer.

1) Health. My biggest bugabear to boot. Mutated gastrobug that’s doing a Titanic (going on and on and on). Insomnia that’s still so unproductive (try panicking about exams at 3.45 in the morning, after an 8 hour procrastination of trying to go to bed, so that exam prep can actually be done). Medicine that I keep losing as a result of trying to have a life. Flaky, cracking, weepings scars in the head that itch, and we all know how Sondha likes to itch. More surgery on the horizon (lalalala… leaving on a jet plane… lalalala i can’t hear you). Freaky talk of more radiation therapy. Exhaustion. Plain exhaustion.

2) Academics. The highs are high and the lows are low eh. I need a time turner or ten. And brains by the bucket. *cough*psycholingistics*cough*. Some subjects have psycho- as a prefix for a reason.

3) Dramas. oh the dramas. why dost thou embrace me at sleepless o’clock and envelope me in your velvet arms. Just leave well alone for a sec.

4) Health

5) Academics

6) Health

7) Health

I’ll stop blubbering now and go eat some chocolate. And try for the next 10 hours to stay awake, so that I can spend the 8 after that trying to fall asleep.

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards,
Home just as you left it but still you’re shaken,
Like walking into a museum somehow out of time.
It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway,
Where she’s been and who she will ripen into,
Your childhood’s on the other side of a sprawling divide… too wide.

Take a silent breath.
Hold in the change.
Tell yourself you still live here.
Take your bags upstairs.
It’s the only way you’ll get through today.
Count the hours.
Take a shower.
Wash yourself away.

The house is pulsing with an alien heartbeat,
Was it always here but you never listened?
It’s calling you to be the girl that you were way back then… again.

Take a silent breath.
Hold in the change.
Tell yourself you still live here.
Take your bags upstairs.
Put away your clothes, take it nice and slow.
Be their daughter.
Nothing’s harder
When nobody knows
How to return home.

How to return home
And how to survive,
There’s no written guidelines.
How to go back,
How to show up and unpack.
How to show up.
How to grow up.
How to take a breath.

Take a silent breath.
Hold in the change.
Tell yourself you still live here.
Take your bags upstairs.
You still share a name
But you’re not the same.
You don’t fight it.
You don’t hide it.
It’s a whole new game of how to return home.
How to return home.

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards,
Home just as you left it but still you’re shaken.