Musing and verbiage


a double scoop of memories, with a large sprinkling of longing.

It’s that time of the two years again, with Fun-O-Rama tantalizingly around the corner. Few true blooded ACians remember it with anything but longing, many buying up tickets from relieved year 2s, who will one day do the same. The hastily cobbled together games, the mouthwatering food, the God-send drinks stalls, the haunted houses and the institutional dunking board. It’s a time of year as festive as Christmas, and boasting goodies to rival Chinese New Year, in the heart of this old ACian.

Many things have changed in the past 6 years since I clawed my way through the hallowed blue and yellow gates. Buildings have risen, teachers have changed, even my combination is gone. Funny then how my heart beats a little quicker when I meet another ACian, long graduated, but still missing the ice milo. Or how it skips a beat when seeing another car, in this home away from home, that also bears the bumper sticker of AC pride.

Even funnier when I stop to think that I was neither smart, nor popular, nor particularly outstanding in anyway. The small group of us alumni from my social circle that keep in touch, meet but sporadically, dictated by overseas university timetables, frenetic study and burgeoning careers. What then would have made AC mark me so deeply?

Not the academia itself, for the less said about that, the better. Not the sometimes frustrating, often bewildering social networks, which often times confounded and eluded me. The council that I claim so much pride in, but sometimes felt so apart from? The drama denziens, whom meet up with once in a blue blue moon? Perhaps, and perhaps not, since analyzing the biggest things of my AC life yields no answers. But still I feel the siren call. It comes from the heart, from the soul of a school that is more than its victories, more than its awards, greater than the building that housed it, more awe inspiring that a full moon over the sports hall seen from the bleachers.

Whatever it is, wherever it comes from, I know that the deepdeep pride of AC still calls from within, deeper, stronger and bigger than anything else from that period in my life. The remembered golden years of council duty and service, drama performance and pride, school unity and loyalty, all meld together on a dusty police academy rugby field, as mind, heart and voice, we are all one.

tsktsk, sondha is behind in the things she wants to write about. so in the spirit of all things shiny new, she will make a todo list (cuz all closet control-freaks love the list. all bow down before the power of the list…):

  1. sydney!
  2. photies from sonia’s party
  3. the bloody flu

and i greatly regret not taking photies at sam’s house! thanks for the love, laughter and lasagne, my darling! we love you much much, and this will soon be a common occurance, just you wait and see!

and mattiew! =P thanks for lending me your family for easter, and for washing my car forwith me! shiny car, much chocolate and people around me makes sondha a happy girlie.

and i <3 italian for dinner, second day in a row!

may I please just curl up into a ball and die. i don’t want to know anything anymore.

Something that amused me greatly today…

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body”, while the Paediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.”
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.
The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some asshole in administration.

I had an awesome time in Sydney! I will be back with a run down, but suffice to say there was much eating and merrymaking! Many thanks to Netter and Kevin and BBOJ!

taken from grouphug..

i would like to say i’m sorry for being around.
i’m sorry for laughing too hard.
i’m sorry for criticizing my self and others every minute of the day.
i’m sorry for not caring enough.
i’m sorry for lying.
i’m sorry for being demanding or wanting things that are impossible to recieve.
i’m sorry for not being understanding enough.
i’m sorry for being sad, jelous, and boring.
i’m sorry for being too proud and never saying sorry when i really needed to.
i’m sorry for saying sorry for things that aren’t of importance.
i’m sorry for screaming too loud, hitting too hard, and judging too often.
i’m sorry for not being a good enough boyfriend and friend.
i’m sorry for lacking in talent.
i’m sorry for trying to be a part of your family.
i’m sorry i couldn’t please you every moment of our time spent together or apart.
i’m sorry for wasting your kisses on me.
i’m sorry for making you cry and not cry with you.
i’m sorry for being a hypocrite and never giving anything worth giving a chance.
i’m sorry for making smart-ass remarks that ended up hurting you.
i’m sorry that i’m not what you wish i were.
i’m sorry for getting a job sooner.
i’m sorry for being a sap.
i’m sorry for being a dick when i should of been an open paw.
i’m sorry for letting my insecurities get in the way.
i’m sorry for making you think i am shallow.
i’m sorry for suffocating you with my presence.
i’m sorry for wasting your time.
i’m sorry for not spoiling you with gifts and my attention.
i’m sorry for going too fast.
i’m sorry for being uncomfortable.
i’m sorry for not being the guy you first met.
i’m sorry for dreaming about my future with you.
i’m sorry for not changing over night.
i’m sorry for not allowing you to believe in me.
i’m sorry being your nightmare.
i’m sorry for being mentally weak
i’m sorry for staining your life along with your sheets.
i’m sorry for being a pushover.
i’m sorry for being a little boy.
i’m sorry for making you read all of this.
i’m sorry for being a sap.
i’m sorry i’m not perfect.
i’m sorry that sorry just doesn’t cut it.
i’m sorry my love wasn’t enough for you…because yours was enough for me.

i’m pretty happy now. so i thought i’d share what it is that makes me happy:

  • warm, clean sheets (ideally straight from the dryer, but that’s in a perfect world). in a cool, clean room.
  • hot chocolate. preferably in cold (maybe rainy) weather.
  • long drives at midnight with my ipod and horace.
  • chocolate. and cake. or chocolate cake (i’m really not fussy).
  • the perfect contentment of.. well… contented (as opposed to depressed) solitude
  • new books, full of promise. or old books, full of memories.
  • a snuggly hoodie.
  • cuddles (hugs to the non aussies).

in other words, happy birthday, birthday girlie! we love you muchly and miss you more!

I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks that cracking joints sounds like breaking bones. But I still crack them anyways.

I hate cleaning up.

ok, my HTML fail. Dave Fenton would throw his hands up in disgust.

it is so bloody hot. i’ve been lying in my room all day, alternating with the airconditioner in the living room, and the small portable in my bedroom. But the small portable needs to keep me alive at night, and chews electricity. and the outside one doesn’t really reach my room.

so i’m literally melting, resorting to ridiculous outfits to not generate more body heat, and generally not enjoying the aussie summer the way i’m supposed to. bah humbug.

but just to keep the earlier HTML content cuz it amused me so much, sondha = Seductress Offering Naughty, Delightful, Hot Affection

I’m a little bewildered by life, to be honest.

Sometimes, there’s an abundance of… happenings. Dramatic moments, existential crises, and just an overwhelming muchness of life moments.

For those who know, the moment has finally come. And it was really really hard, and sad.

So after this time of happenings, I’m hoping and praying for a little time to myself. A time of reticence, of reflection, of healing and contemplation. To know myself a little more, and worry about others a little less. To stop doing and start thinking.

Sorry for the downer. We will be back to regular programming shortly.

in the past 24 hours, i have made several observations:

nobody is (or i should say not many people are) as happy as they’d like the world to think they are.  And while happiness (and normalcy) are overrated, i think that the ability to simulate at least a passing level of happiness (and normalcy) are fundamental qualities required to live in a populous society such as ours.

Thus  when a person, god-forbid, experiences loneliness, anguish, or plain confusion (and does not decide to confuse others in that confusion), the first instinct is to do one of two things: rant, or pretend that everything is dandy.

this interests me as a social phenomenon purely because both exacerbate the problem. ranting drives people away (and creates their own world of loneliness/anguish/confusion) and pretending everything is dandy internalizes the problem, which any first year psyc student can tell you is a nay good idea!

Hence pretense is the name of the game. But energy wasted in this game, as well as that wasted in playing hard to get, and other really strange social conventions, could be better spent… getting to know people. Getting to know yourself. Learning life skills, which might not make money, pay happiness dividends. Circumventing the need to really pretend to be happy.

« Previous PageNext Page »